The Regret I Hear Most From Women
S O U L F U L L E T T E R #8 - B Y C H R I S T I N A G R E V E
If there’s one thing I often hear from the women I coach, it’s this:
"I regret not learning how to pay attention to my own needs sooner."
And it’s not said lightly.
It’s said with a sad heaviness.
The kind that comes from years of putting yourself last, without even realizing it.
Because when you’ve been the strong one, the capable one, the one who holds everything together… you don’t always notice the cost until much later.
Until one day, something inside you feels tired in a way that rest alone cannot fix.
And you begin to see, clearly, what you have been missing.
What I kept hearing was this:
"I regret not learning how to nurture and respect myself."
"I spent years ignoring my body, my instincts, my feelings."
"Trying to be easy to be with, wanted and accepted."
It was the years they spent over-functioning for everyone else while abandoning themselves.
I heard:
"I kept going when my body was screaming for rest."
"I measured my worth by how much I could do for others."
"I wish I had learned how to trust myself more."
It was years of living in worry.
Feeling misunderstood.
Wanting to be seen.
Saying yes when she wanted to say no.
Pushing rest off until the work was done.
And in midlife, everything she has pushed down starts to rise.
She can’t ignore it anymore. The emotions won’t stay quiet.
She realizes the work is never done.
And someone will always want more than she can give.
But her body has been keeping score the whole time.
And now it is finally asking to be heard.
She's done shrinking.
Done performing for approval. Done undermining her own needs.
Today she begins to honor her boundaries and live by what feels true to her.
To express herself and speak from her heart, without editing.
This is the time to be you. Without carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations.
Without running around pleasing everyone, only to discover it was never possible in the first place.
At this moment, you have a lot of years behind you.
Those years are gone.
And regret will not change them.
But reflection will.
Because when you allow yourself to truly see your past, without judgment, you gain something powerful.
Clarity.
Wisdom.
Direction.
And what matters now is what you choose to do with the years you have in front of you.
Don’t hold the regret against yourself.
What you did was human.
How human of you to want to do good for others.
How human of you to be the strong and nurturing one.
How human of you to keep going, even when it cost you something.
How human of you to forget to listen to your own needs.
We are not meant to get everything right all the time.
We learn as we go.
We adjust.
We grow.
And yes, that means mistakes are part of the path. Not a sign that something is wrong with you.
So instead of adding more guilt to your guilt bucket…
what if you emptied it? Completely.
What if you allowed yourself to start fresh.
Without the weight.
Without the harsh inner voice.
Just you.
Walking a little more lightly.
A little more aware.
Stepping into new possibilities.
And maybe even into a life that feels softer, truer, and more like your own.
Remember, no one is coming to change things for you.
And most likely, no one will pause your life and ask you to take better care of yourself.
Because people are used to the version of you they know.
You are the one who gets to decide what to do with this precious life of yours.
That is your power.
Because it means you get to choose a different way.
You can decide that things will be different from now on.
You can decide to step into your highest self, not someday, but today.
All it takes is one decision.
One decision to become your own safe place.
Your own support.
Your own best friend.
To listen.
To respond.
To respect your needs, even when it feels unfamiliar.
And then… to keep choosing that again tomorrow.
This is how everything begins to change.
Not in one big moment.
But in small, honest decisions that slowly bring you back to yourself.
With love,
Christina
